Human

How do you break through someones
defense's. To get through their
walls to who they really are. I've
ask myself this question so many times
about you. I thought at first if I was
just your friend eventually there would
be a break in defense and yet nothing.


Maybe I need to wait longer I understand
don't misunderstand me I'm not giving up.
Your a mystery I want to understand and
I'll wait a lifetime if I have to, just to
discover whats underneath. I prayed for you
one day, I went to my knees and begged
protection over you. I don't know why but
I wanted you to be safe.

Your defense's are shrewd and cunning they
are alot like mine. Perhaps that's why I
stay. I've found someone just like me in someways
saying everything and nothing all the time.
Maybe that's why we're friends because we both
understand that we are so much alike and yet
neither one of us is willing to drop our guard
for the other.

Eventually a time will come where we will either
destroy each other or help each other.
Our defense's our similar our words are sometimes
perfectly synced. We've both rehearsed the words
the expressions the topics, covering every basis
so no one ever sees, so no one ever gets in.
We are pros at what we do but we're not proud of
that. Because it leaves us in a very lonely box
we've encased ourselves in letting few people near
enough to see.

I don't know if I'm a mystery to you as you are to
me. But that's ok like I said I'll wait a lifetime
to figure you out, even if I get a small glimpse
I know it'll be worth it. I wish I could tell you
that you can trust me but I can't do that because
words are never enough. Promises are words falling
like snow, soon to melt and fade away. All I can do
is just try to prove it to you.

We'll figure each other out someday once we drop this
charade and burn our masks and see the other as not what
we pretend to be but what we are.

Human


Picture taken by http://surrealeye.deviantart.com/

From Your Convenient Best Friend

Dear You

I'm not perfect
I'm not made of stone
though I'd like you to
believe I am. You stand back
and you judge me saying there's
no hope but you never even tried.

I'm not as hard as I've made you
believe. I've learned few people
really want inside. And the others
just want your ear and presence so
they don't feel alone. But little
do they realize how alone their leaving
me.

I've grown used to it, its no big deal.
Hurt me and I'll survive I'll get over
it. Hurt my friends, hurt the people I
love even though they don't love me, and I'll
be out for revenge I promise you.


No I'm not made of stone but I'm made of
the will to survive, to make it through
your blows and your words. I'll survive
what you all do to me, its ok I understand
why you do it. Your insecure and you don't
understand me, so your best way of handling
it is by attacking me and blaming me for the
state of your life.

Your angry because I understand, your angry
that I don't blame you. You don't love me and
that's fine, I can deal with that.
Sure I'll be your best friend at your convenience.
Sure I mind that you take no thought of my feelings
or my pain but that's ok I've grown used to that.
So go ahead, hate me, yell at me, tell me I'm stupid.

Nothing will change I'm not letting you in until you
prove I can trust you, don't hate me for my choices
if you knew the reasons you might understand, then
again maybe not because your to selfish to ever see
anything but your own pain.

But anyways I really should go, you have need for my
ear again. I won't cry over this loneliness I feel its
quite alright because remember...I'm made of stone right?

I laugh at that because you really don't know.
Anyways.

Sincerely
Your Convenient Best Friend
Christa




(picture by http://day-light.deviantart.com/)

goodbye for now

Dead air is mine, dead air is me.
I want to say the words but when
my mouth opens my words
freeze in my throat and are soon
lost victims of the wind.

If i really had the courage to say
what I truly thought it wouldn't
be what you expect. What I say and
what I think are two very different
things.

What I hate I will never debate because
I know it is never worth the fight to
the death for it. If I could show you
what I see you'd understand it to, you'd
understand the reason's why I keep my
peace. If you could only understand that
the things that cannot speak have the
loudest voices.

I've learned this so well because we have
been close companions. Silence is the
loudest microphone, watching is the best
piece of literature you could ever pick up.
Listening to nothing is the prettiest music
ever written. I wish I could show you, if
I could just paint a picture, or write the
notes of the music I hear, or pen the novel
of the words whispered to me.

But it's impossible, when I begin to write
my mind cannot put into words what I hear.
It's something you cannot confine to paper
or to our callus string of musical notes.


Something I discovered long ago was that
words should never be spoken unless carefully
considered. Silence always considers it's words
very carefully, the silence never speaks unless
you are listening, truly listening, and the
it whispers.

The quieter I become the more I discover. The
more I don't speak the clearer things become to
me. Occasionally it is lonely but I never think
about going back.

Because I now see the dreadful truth of speaking
the dreadful truth of lying, the dreadful truth
of conforming instead of discovering.
It's impossible to return, sometimes it's beautiful
sometimes its down right terrifying, but it's
taught me to think of every single thing I say.
Every single thing I wish
Every single thing I love.
Every single thing I pray.

I know you are confused now, what I've said has
completely lost you. I knew it would, because
you see you have to stand on this side of the line.
The sidelines, its all right here, but you will
never understand until you come and stand with me
and see, instead of being the observed come be the
observer. It will save your life, I promise you.

Stop playing the game, and come and learn the rules,
no not their rules, the real rules. The rules that
the game creates while your playing, you'll be playing
along and never realize they've changed, but I do
because I'm watching instead of running blindly.
You'll never leave the game though, none of you will
because to you I'm the naive child who knows nothing.
You'll play and play till it kills you, and I'll
grieve for you...because I warned you.

Come to my side and you'll see it to.


(picture by http://fibulamim.deviantart.com/)