Trust

Trusting and letting go is one of the
most difficult things for me.
I'm so certain I know whats best for myself
I refuse to let go of the past because of my
"trust issues" I'm a fool I know this.
I'm hurting myself more by doing this, I hate
that I do it.

During the day I can fully believe you care and
that you want me there. But when I go to sleep
at night questions badger me till my eyes close
from exhaustion. Doubts telling me I'm a fool to
think this way. There no way you could care, there's
no way anyone could care.

Its just me believing these foolish lies and I must
grow up and guard myself because I'm setting myself
up for more pain. But when I awake the next day and
I start my day you scatter those doubts in the wind
every single time. Every doubt I have I lose on the
wake of the day. I'm beginning to see that trust is
a risk.

A risk worth taking, trusting yourself to someone or
someones is the only way you'll ever find life.
What's a friendship if you can't take a risk?
If you hold yourself so ever closely wound without
letting anyone get near you or touch you then your are
setting yourself up to be failed. I'm setting myself
up to be failed.

I'm learning and I'm trying, it's taken much time and it'll
take much time. But somewhere deep down I'm beginning to
believe it is possible that they really care.
Others have proven themselves that they don't, shown me I was
their friend as long as I was useful. And yet for some reason
this doesn't hurt me. But their are other's who if they hurt me
like this I'd break in two and fall to the depths of the ocean.


But...I somehow don't think I will because I've learned
the people you trust the most if your careful with who you trust
they may hurt you but its never intentional, I trust them because
I don't believe they'll let me down.
Occasionally they do but everyone does so I've learned. Trusting is
a difficult thing but I'm learning. My heart is letting me feel again
even if its a little pain I know I'll be alright in the end.
Because I trust you.