Picture

I hide my face from you.
Yes you, the camera. I'd spend
the rest of my life behind the
lens then stand before it.

Occasionally someone will ask
for my picture and so reluctantly
I agree and I take my pose and
smile the smile I've rehearsed in
front of the mirror so many times.

I hate taking my own picture, I don't
like what I see. Its just not me.
My friends ask me why I never smile or
look at the camera, how do I explain to
them that I can't?

I've never desired to be the center of
attention whenever the camera comes out
it takes all of me to not throw my hands
over my face and beg you to not picture me.

They want to know why, and being unable to
tell them I let them take the occasional
picture of me. But the truth is, I'm afraid
you will see. A face tells a thousand stories

The eyes are the window to the soul, this
knowledge frightens me. I think to myself
"What if they see?" the safety wall I've so
carefully constructed crumbles when the
picture is shot.

And then after that its the prayers that no
one will see, that no one will see what I
see written there. Yes I'll admit it I'm a
fake, I'm a liar, I'm a sinner.

As Psalm 51:3 states
For I acknowledge my transgressions:
and my sin [is] ever before me.

But I know there's hope for me, I know
there's grace and I believe that.
But when your looking at me I start to
lose confidence, I lose my assurance that
grace really exists. These pictures I
see all that is there. Maybe you don't but
I'm so afraid you will.

So yes I look away, I place my rehearsed smile
and hope the camera doesn't work or the flash
covers up the fear in my eyes.
Please forgive me for not being honest sooner,
and don't look to closely. I could show you
hundreds of pictures that better describe me.

That describe my joy, my peace my happiness. But
none of those pictures are of me, perhaps one
day you will understand that, and I understand if
you don't. Yes I will continue to try and shroud
myself in mystery. I will cover my eyes, I will
look away.

I bound my words and thoughts in riddles and
lyrical bounds so as not to say to much. I
used to be told that I said to much. So slowly
over time I said less. My riddles and my rhymes
are all that's left to say. If you dare to read
between the lines to see what I'm saying, be my
guest. But I secretly hope you don't.

I have to go now. Someone wants to take my
picture..