I argue with myself...

She walked in the room, it was quiet the
lights are turned down low.
She sits down and opens her book and begins
to read quietly to herself.
"hey there" the voice whispers in her ear.
She shakes her head and ignores it.
"Oh come now talk to me" it says now much louder.
She slams the book down in frustration.
"What do you want?!" she said getting
up and staring at the ceiling.
The voice chuckled from the darkest corner of the room.
"Oh you know
what I want, I'm just here to give you a little perspective"
it said with laughter in the background.


"I Don't want to talk to you" she stated flatly.
A loud laugh echoed
through the room, "Oh but of course you don't...and
yet here I am" it said with
an annoying smile. She sighed.
"So tell me, the voice said smoothly sliding up to her ear,
why are you trying so hard to not think about it?"
"Because I don't want to! she seethed,
I just want to think about something else
I want to feel ok again" she sighed.


"But you will never feel okay again!
the voice insisted, It's not about you!" it stated.
"I know! she yelled back, It's never been about me!
I have served every part of my heart to people
on a platter, I have been there, stood there
taking all the blows
for everyone without once thinking about myself!
But now I just want to preserve
whats left of me" she sighed.
The voice slid back into the darkness,

"Ah I see, I see, but yet in your heart you
really want to, its just the scars telling you
not to take a chance this time,
but your heart wants to reach out so bad,
but everything else tells you that maybe
you should be selfish...just this once and save yourself"
She nodded tears falling down her face.
"But won't you lose more of
yourself if you turn your back now?"
she shook her head thinking. "Who are you?" she asked.
"Why do you always come?"
"Are you the demon who runs me into these walls,
I reach out to help and I end
up being the one who falls, or are you my angel
telling me to follow my heart?


Because quite frankly I never can tell,
your so....confusing!!!"
The voice was very quiet for several minutes,
when it spoke again she heard
the tears in its soft flowing voice.
"I am your heart, I am your mind, I am you.
I am who you really are
the one who says to risk it all because
it's worth it! But you never listen to
me!" "We both have been hurt but we are hurt
together, never once have I led you
the wrong way, but your so stubborn you won't
listen to me and you never admit
that I am right in the end" the voice sighed.
"You don't believe that the words "I love you"
are real because you have never seen anyone
acutally say them, so you believe that it's all
lost, so run"

She sat there head bowed looking at her hands.
"I'm tired of hurting, she whispered, I want
to believe you so bad sometimes but,
its to much for me to believe"
The voice grew into a soft whisper,
"Ah yes, the infamous you, you run from it all
your far to afraid to face it so you run,
oh boy do you run. You lost yourself in your
search to find...something else to hide behind...
and in the process you lost me"

She shook her head, "Your a liar! I know you are,
I'm better off without you!" she turned her face
to her hands and wept bitterly, only no tears
came from her eyes.
"Then why do you wish me back when you push me away!
You are not heartless, because I am still here.
As much as you want to me to leave sometimes
I cannot because you want me more then anything
else in the world, I belong to you I will not
leave but I will be silent for you....for now"
the voice's tones faded into the dark.

She sank to the ground and listened,
"don't go...." she whispered.
"I'm still here," the voice said sidling
up beside her. She shook her head
a single tear slid down her face.
"I'm not crazy, she whispered, I might talk to
myself but I'm not crazy"

"I know, the voice said sadly, your just alone"

She bowed her head and sighed, the voice
went into silence once more and the shadows
grew longer.



"When the room clears, I'm still here.
Who am I, when I'm alone?"