Crash

The walls I've spent my life so carefully
constructing are crashing. They are falling
all around me. How did this happen? I ask
myself frantically as I try to rebuild my
safety zone. These walls were made of the
toughest stuff in the world no one got in
nothing got out.


My walls are crashing, how is this happening?
Someone, something I don't know what is breaking
in. I'm running around in terror with urgency
trying to rebuild these walls, these holes.
But its not use they are crashing around me,
all my hard work is disappearing.


Something inside is awakening, something that
has been long dead, something left behind in
another life. Something I never thought I could
get back, but its awakening.

Its crashing, its all crashing around me oh how
terrified I am, so long have I been behind these
walls, so long have I felt nothing so long have
I been "just okay" safe and secure behind my walls.
I look to see who's tearing through them but I cannot
tell. I search to find the source of this disturbance
but none is found!

I have no way of stopping this crash, of stopping this
destruction of my safety zone, I hope its for the good.
I pray its for the best, I wish it would stop. Being
without my walls leaves me bare and scared. So I keep
attempting to rebuild them but they crash down at my
feet faster then I can repair them.


Its all coming to an end, my life is reawakening, myself
is falling apart. I sit down in the darkest corner and
watch my walls fall. Waiting for the one who's tearing
them down to emerge. I wait in anticipation and fear.
I'm crashing.


I'm breaking in two, I'll see it through.
You won't keep me down, when I crash through you.
~Decyfer Down

My Beloved Monster and Me

Oh what a wretched creature I am.
I try to be something better but
my wretchedness follows my every footstep.
There's a monster in my depths that screams
for its power. I can't control it, how it
burns to be released so it can revenge
this world for its goods.

Holding on to what's so dear and dreaming
of the fear. This battle of two sides
cannot be won. Some days we forget why
we are even fighting. It is like time has
stopped and we are on the edge of a cliff
falling. And we look at each other and we
quickly create a human chain and save ourselves
before the fall.

My beloved monster and Me, we love and hate
each other. And yet we cannot seem to survive
without the other. My Monster understands me
like none other, and is always happy to listen
to whatever I may tell it. Always eager to tell
me the lies that I will see as truth in my deluded
mind.

Soon we are fighting again, with swords we battle
to the edge of eternity for the rights to my soul.
This Monster and Me we know the truth about me.
You said you'd come and save me, you said you'd save
me from this Monster that's so much like me.
And yet here I've fought alone for all these years.


Now your here, your telling me its over, your saying
that I must leave and you will destroy my beloved
monster. I look at my monster with tears in my eyes.
And I tell you, please forgive it, please be merciful.
Because in another life...this would have been me.
I turn my back and I leave, I hear my Monster whimper
in fear and then a painful cry. The silence fills
the void in between.

I stand on cliff, the cliff we had fought so many long
years on. I bring my sword to my eyes and I cast it
over the edge and darkness. A shadow appears in the
dust below, my monster still watches me I'll never be
rid of her. Oh forgive this wretched soul of mine for
I always said...that I'd be fine.

Eloquent

I'm as eloquent as an elephant
I'm as headstrong as the Mighty King Kong
On a rampage throwing airplanes
I can't believe you haven't gone away
I am difficult, argumentative
I'm as thick skulled as the dinosaur
bones on a display in a glass case
I can't believe you haven't run away


It must be different through your eyes
Because you look at me like it's the first time
That you've ever seen my face


I'm preoccupied with a crowded mind
I get off track like a train rolling
back to the future. Never too sure who'll
be here when I come back around
But I'm finding out

It must be different through your eyes
Because you look at me like it's the first time
That you've ever seen my face.


Well I see you the way you see me
I don't understand the way you see me..

Sanctus Real-Eloquent

far from ordinary

I've learned something about myself.
Something that sickens me beyond words.
I desire the approval of the people who
hurt me.
The constant thought of...would they want
me now? Am I good enough now? If I do this
will I be good enough for you?

To acknowledge this about myself is very
painful. I hate that fact I desire this.
But doesn't everyone? In someway or another
we desire to prove to those people we aren't
what they say we are.

That we are worth more then what they ditched
us for. I've had my heart torn out more ways
then one, and I find myself wondering...would
you love me now? Am I pretty enough for you now?
Am I quiet enough for you now? Am I special enough
to be your friend now? Am I everything you want?

Then I ask myself why I'm asking these questions.
Why do I lower myself to this? When I know that
I am worth more then they think I am. I regret so
much, but somewhere inside me I know that I'm
worth more then these questions and their approval.

The truth is they will never approve and they will
claim every chance to tell me I am ugly, that I am
to opinionated, that I am to weird for them to ever
love me. I'll never gain their approval because they
are to cynical and prideful to ever notice me or love
me.

But there are other people who do love me, who do care
for me. And I need to strive to make them proud.
But oh how I struggle, oh how I want you to love me so
much. I hate that I feel this way, and I will grow out
of it. I guess that just proves I'm young and foolish.

What you did to me pushed me to be something more.
I strive to succeed to prove you wrong, because your
words and actions left questions and doubts in my mind
that I could ever be good at all. I fight myself for
footing to succeed, I fight for the chance to be a little
more than ordinary.

Maybe inside I just want to be a little extraordinary.
Its selfish I know but, now I'm pushing myself to prove
to myself I am something other then a vacant lifeless
soul you left behind because I was to ordinary.

I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for me.
Its the only way I'll ever be what I truly desire
to be. I don't blame you, I forgive you. But I wish
you had just given me a chance to show you that I am
far from ordinary.

Christa

(picture done by http://kayanya.deviantart.com/)

Oh Sorrow

There once was a little girl. Who wished
to be a princess. Oh how she dreamed and
twirled in her beautiful purple dress and
dreamt dreams of a young little girl.

This little girl became a young woman
and try as she might those dreams and wishes
never left. She knew they were foolish but
how she longed for them to one day become
real. And yet she dreamed and dreamed some more.

Years went by and the young girl became a woman
still searching for love that she had desired
since a child.
One day a man came along and fell in love with
this young woman, but he had not the strength
to tell her yet.
The young woman fell in love with the young man
as well. And finally her dream had come true!
Or so she thought, she waited and waited hoping.

Thoughts began flooding her mind, whispers of an
unseen darkness. "How could he ever love you?"
the voice whispered. "You are a dreamer, a wild
spirited soul. You are not what he would want"
The woman fought these thoughts but ever so slowly
she began to believe them.
"You'll never be what he truly desires, there is
nothing special about you. Your hair is plain your
form is undesirable your dreams and desires are
foolish. Your eyes are dead and your face holds no
real beauty, you will never stand up, your better
off alone"

Then one day the young man got down on one knee before
her and laid his heart out before her. But the poison
was to deep to be cured now. The young woman could not
believe that he could truly ever love her. So she ran.
She ran from her love she ran from her dreams and left
it behind in the dust. Leaving behind the one who loved
her more then life its self.

The young man trudged to the nearby river and sat on its
banks dreaming of what could have been. It the end was
inevitable. He slid from the banks of the river to its
deep waters, he sank to the bottom where he met his end.
No one ever knew what became of him, thinking he had just
left, traveling to a far away world. But he sank to his
sorrow and misery at the bottom of the misery, in his hand
he clutched the ring he had chosen for his love.

The young woman returned home, time went home her parents
passed from this world her siblings grew up and married.
Until there was just one brother left, who never could
reach out and touch love either.
So they remained in the old farmhouse never speaking of the
past, each in their own world of sorrow.

And there the woman spent the remainder of her days
sewing cloths and taking care of her brother.
The sun went down each evening on her sorrow and
regret, wishing things had been different but the voices
whispered on. "You would have never been good enough,
just look at you" they'd say. She would nod and sew one
more stitch. Each day sewing the stitch to keep her broken
heart...in tact.

And some say, that she was the most beautiful woman to
have ever graced God's wonderful world. That God reached
down and touched her with the beauty of angels.
These words she never heard for everyone felt to foolish
to ever say them.

And some say, though I never knew for sure myself because
I never saw this woman. That her beauty never weaned, it
only grew more extraordinary by the day. I never knew her
real name because after many years everyone just called her
Sorrow. And the sorrow...was beautiful.

Oh Sorrow, how I cry for you.
I will never be you.

Fear only has as much power as you give it.


based on a true story.
Christa

Picture

I hide my face from you.
Yes you, the camera. I'd spend
the rest of my life behind the
lens then stand before it.

Occasionally someone will ask
for my picture and so reluctantly
I agree and I take my pose and
smile the smile I've rehearsed in
front of the mirror so many times.

I hate taking my own picture, I don't
like what I see. Its just not me.
My friends ask me why I never smile or
look at the camera, how do I explain to
them that I can't?

I've never desired to be the center of
attention whenever the camera comes out
it takes all of me to not throw my hands
over my face and beg you to not picture me.

They want to know why, and being unable to
tell them I let them take the occasional
picture of me. But the truth is, I'm afraid
you will see. A face tells a thousand stories

The eyes are the window to the soul, this
knowledge frightens me. I think to myself
"What if they see?" the safety wall I've so
carefully constructed crumbles when the
picture is shot.

And then after that its the prayers that no
one will see, that no one will see what I
see written there. Yes I'll admit it I'm a
fake, I'm a liar, I'm a sinner.

As Psalm 51:3 states
For I acknowledge my transgressions:
and my sin [is] ever before me.

But I know there's hope for me, I know
there's grace and I believe that.
But when your looking at me I start to
lose confidence, I lose my assurance that
grace really exists. These pictures I
see all that is there. Maybe you don't but
I'm so afraid you will.

So yes I look away, I place my rehearsed smile
and hope the camera doesn't work or the flash
covers up the fear in my eyes.
Please forgive me for not being honest sooner,
and don't look to closely. I could show you
hundreds of pictures that better describe me.

That describe my joy, my peace my happiness. But
none of those pictures are of me, perhaps one
day you will understand that, and I understand if
you don't. Yes I will continue to try and shroud
myself in mystery. I will cover my eyes, I will
look away.

I bound my words and thoughts in riddles and
lyrical bounds so as not to say to much. I
used to be told that I said to much. So slowly
over time I said less. My riddles and my rhymes
are all that's left to say. If you dare to read
between the lines to see what I'm saying, be my
guest. But I secretly hope you don't.

I have to go now. Someone wants to take my
picture..

Human

How do you break through someones
defense's. To get through their
walls to who they really are. I've
ask myself this question so many times
about you. I thought at first if I was
just your friend eventually there would
be a break in defense and yet nothing.


Maybe I need to wait longer I understand
don't misunderstand me I'm not giving up.
Your a mystery I want to understand and
I'll wait a lifetime if I have to, just to
discover whats underneath. I prayed for you
one day, I went to my knees and begged
protection over you. I don't know why but
I wanted you to be safe.

Your defense's are shrewd and cunning they
are alot like mine. Perhaps that's why I
stay. I've found someone just like me in someways
saying everything and nothing all the time.
Maybe that's why we're friends because we both
understand that we are so much alike and yet
neither one of us is willing to drop our guard
for the other.

Eventually a time will come where we will either
destroy each other or help each other.
Our defense's our similar our words are sometimes
perfectly synced. We've both rehearsed the words
the expressions the topics, covering every basis
so no one ever sees, so no one ever gets in.
We are pros at what we do but we're not proud of
that. Because it leaves us in a very lonely box
we've encased ourselves in letting few people near
enough to see.

I don't know if I'm a mystery to you as you are to
me. But that's ok like I said I'll wait a lifetime
to figure you out, even if I get a small glimpse
I know it'll be worth it. I wish I could tell you
that you can trust me but I can't do that because
words are never enough. Promises are words falling
like snow, soon to melt and fade away. All I can do
is just try to prove it to you.

We'll figure each other out someday once we drop this
charade and burn our masks and see the other as not what
we pretend to be but what we are.

Human


Picture taken by http://surrealeye.deviantart.com/

From Your Convenient Best Friend

Dear You

I'm not perfect
I'm not made of stone
though I'd like you to
believe I am. You stand back
and you judge me saying there's
no hope but you never even tried.

I'm not as hard as I've made you
believe. I've learned few people
really want inside. And the others
just want your ear and presence so
they don't feel alone. But little
do they realize how alone their leaving
me.

I've grown used to it, its no big deal.
Hurt me and I'll survive I'll get over
it. Hurt my friends, hurt the people I
love even though they don't love me, and I'll
be out for revenge I promise you.


No I'm not made of stone but I'm made of
the will to survive, to make it through
your blows and your words. I'll survive
what you all do to me, its ok I understand
why you do it. Your insecure and you don't
understand me, so your best way of handling
it is by attacking me and blaming me for the
state of your life.

Your angry because I understand, your angry
that I don't blame you. You don't love me and
that's fine, I can deal with that.
Sure I'll be your best friend at your convenience.
Sure I mind that you take no thought of my feelings
or my pain but that's ok I've grown used to that.
So go ahead, hate me, yell at me, tell me I'm stupid.

Nothing will change I'm not letting you in until you
prove I can trust you, don't hate me for my choices
if you knew the reasons you might understand, then
again maybe not because your to selfish to ever see
anything but your own pain.

But anyways I really should go, you have need for my
ear again. I won't cry over this loneliness I feel its
quite alright because remember...I'm made of stone right?

I laugh at that because you really don't know.
Anyways.

Sincerely
Your Convenient Best Friend
Christa




(picture by http://day-light.deviantart.com/)

goodbye for now

Dead air is mine, dead air is me.
I want to say the words but when
my mouth opens my words
freeze in my throat and are soon
lost victims of the wind.

If i really had the courage to say
what I truly thought it wouldn't
be what you expect. What I say and
what I think are two very different
things.

What I hate I will never debate because
I know it is never worth the fight to
the death for it. If I could show you
what I see you'd understand it to, you'd
understand the reason's why I keep my
peace. If you could only understand that
the things that cannot speak have the
loudest voices.

I've learned this so well because we have
been close companions. Silence is the
loudest microphone, watching is the best
piece of literature you could ever pick up.
Listening to nothing is the prettiest music
ever written. I wish I could show you, if
I could just paint a picture, or write the
notes of the music I hear, or pen the novel
of the words whispered to me.

But it's impossible, when I begin to write
my mind cannot put into words what I hear.
It's something you cannot confine to paper
or to our callus string of musical notes.


Something I discovered long ago was that
words should never be spoken unless carefully
considered. Silence always considers it's words
very carefully, the silence never speaks unless
you are listening, truly listening, and the
it whispers.

The quieter I become the more I discover. The
more I don't speak the clearer things become to
me. Occasionally it is lonely but I never think
about going back.

Because I now see the dreadful truth of speaking
the dreadful truth of lying, the dreadful truth
of conforming instead of discovering.
It's impossible to return, sometimes it's beautiful
sometimes its down right terrifying, but it's
taught me to think of every single thing I say.
Every single thing I wish
Every single thing I love.
Every single thing I pray.

I know you are confused now, what I've said has
completely lost you. I knew it would, because
you see you have to stand on this side of the line.
The sidelines, its all right here, but you will
never understand until you come and stand with me
and see, instead of being the observed come be the
observer. It will save your life, I promise you.

Stop playing the game, and come and learn the rules,
no not their rules, the real rules. The rules that
the game creates while your playing, you'll be playing
along and never realize they've changed, but I do
because I'm watching instead of running blindly.
You'll never leave the game though, none of you will
because to you I'm the naive child who knows nothing.
You'll play and play till it kills you, and I'll
grieve for you...because I warned you.

Come to my side and you'll see it to.


(picture by http://fibulamim.deviantart.com/)

behind the scenes

I was never one for fancy words
or cute rhymes. Just the aching
tones of my heart, were the words I
spoke. I spoke them so loud for you to
hear. But then I realized that no one
was really listening.


Hurt I drew into myself and I learned
the gift and curse of silence. The gift
was I learned so much about people by
watching. I learn so much about you by
watching. But the curse was silence brought
on the invisibility cloak and soon, no one
not even me...could see myself.
The only sign of my existence was on those
cold winter days when i breathed out and
you saw my breathe appear in the cold air
small wisps of life that soon disappeared.


I went along my quiet way, making my way
through these hardships and trials I never
once asked your help. I trusted others and
they hurt me to.
Now you stand there and tell me I am heartless!
You stand there and say I need to believe that
you care or that they care. But you don't know
me! You never knew me, you don't know the demons
I fought, the battles I lost, the scars I carry.
You don't know....because you never cared. To you
I never meant anything at all.So excuse me for
being careful, excuse me for being fearful!
In case you didn't know....I hurt to.

I don't hate you, I don't judge you, but don't
accuse me of being critical, don't accuse me
of being close minded. Because all of my life
I have never been those things. But now I am
cautious, you can't blame me after all the battles
I've fought, oh yeah...you weren't there...so you
wouldn't know would you?

So all you can do is blame me, because that's just
your way. It always has been, you blamed me for
everything. But oh I was quick to forgive, look
at yourself, you were never quick to trust or love
for that matter. How you treated me when we knew
each other so well, you treated me as if I walked
around with a large knife in my hand preparing to
stab you. But sad to say, you were the one to do
the stabbing.

But you wouldn't know, you see I hide that scar to
the few who know ask how did I survive these cuts
and wounds and I tell them that the Lord almighty
reached his hand down and comforted me and healed me
he knows every scar, he know every dirty secret he knows
me. In the way that you don't know me, because your to
into yourself. Always into yourself, but yet I feel sorry
for you. So for you I hide what you did, and for me, for
that one thing I do for me...I hide my mistakes, i hide my
faults, I hide my scars, behind the scene's because if you knew
friend...you'd never care at all.

And yet...maybe you never did...

love

I caught all the fireflies
I wished on all the stars
I collected teardrops from
the butterflies. How young and
stupid I was. To think all that
was going to fix it.

I used to think I knew what love
was, but I've found I believe I
was wrong all along.
Maybe the song writer was right
when he said, "If it doesn't break
your heart it isn't love"

Quite honestly I've been stabbed in
the back so many times I'm never
certain as to if I even cared at all
Why does love have to hurt so much?
But I know the answer.


"I fall in love with the ones who
run me through" -Jon Foreman

I don't

I don't go to sleep without saying
I miss you.
I don't go to sleep without saying
I wish you, were here.
I don't go to sleep without saying
I love you.
I don't go to sleep without saying
I need you.

I don't go to sleep without saying
I'll pray for you
I don't go to sleep without saying
Where are you?
I don't go to sleep without saying
I'll dream about you.
I don't go to sleep without asking
do you miss me?

I have never even met you! but I
sure do miss you. I want to know
your name, I want to know your
life. I want to know what your
about. I want to know what you fear
and what you love.
I'm not dumb I promise, I would
never admit to dreaming. It seems
so childish. But sadly I do, I
can't help it.

I try so hard to ignore it but
I simply cannot. I find ways to
not think about it but they don't
last.
My mind soon strays back again.
It's so frustrating, because it
weighs my heart down so much.
But alas no matter how hard I
try. I cannot get you off my mind

Dear Lord. I pray, protection for
you, and I pray protection for me
so we both survive these fires.
Once again I'm going to sleep,
my thoughts travel from my prayers
to you. I wish I knew your name
I close my eyes and imagine, but no
picture appears

And this pleases me because It makes
the wait easier.
Goodnight.

One more thing.
I won't forget you.

I argue with myself...

She walked in the room, it was quiet the
lights are turned down low.
She sits down and opens her book and begins
to read quietly to herself.
"hey there" the voice whispers in her ear.
She shakes her head and ignores it.
"Oh come now talk to me" it says now much louder.
She slams the book down in frustration.
"What do you want?!" she said getting
up and staring at the ceiling.
The voice chuckled from the darkest corner of the room.
"Oh you know
what I want, I'm just here to give you a little perspective"
it said with laughter in the background.


"I Don't want to talk to you" she stated flatly.
A loud laugh echoed
through the room, "Oh but of course you don't...and
yet here I am" it said with
an annoying smile. She sighed.
"So tell me, the voice said smoothly sliding up to her ear,
why are you trying so hard to not think about it?"
"Because I don't want to! she seethed,
I just want to think about something else
I want to feel ok again" she sighed.


"But you will never feel okay again!
the voice insisted, It's not about you!" it stated.
"I know! she yelled back, It's never been about me!
I have served every part of my heart to people
on a platter, I have been there, stood there
taking all the blows
for everyone without once thinking about myself!
But now I just want to preserve
whats left of me" she sighed.
The voice slid back into the darkness,

"Ah I see, I see, but yet in your heart you
really want to, its just the scars telling you
not to take a chance this time,
but your heart wants to reach out so bad,
but everything else tells you that maybe
you should be selfish...just this once and save yourself"
She nodded tears falling down her face.
"But won't you lose more of
yourself if you turn your back now?"
she shook her head thinking. "Who are you?" she asked.
"Why do you always come?"
"Are you the demon who runs me into these walls,
I reach out to help and I end
up being the one who falls, or are you my angel
telling me to follow my heart?


Because quite frankly I never can tell,
your so....confusing!!!"
The voice was very quiet for several minutes,
when it spoke again she heard
the tears in its soft flowing voice.
"I am your heart, I am your mind, I am you.
I am who you really are
the one who says to risk it all because
it's worth it! But you never listen to
me!" "We both have been hurt but we are hurt
together, never once have I led you
the wrong way, but your so stubborn you won't
listen to me and you never admit
that I am right in the end" the voice sighed.
"You don't believe that the words "I love you"
are real because you have never seen anyone
acutally say them, so you believe that it's all
lost, so run"

She sat there head bowed looking at her hands.
"I'm tired of hurting, she whispered, I want
to believe you so bad sometimes but,
its to much for me to believe"
The voice grew into a soft whisper,
"Ah yes, the infamous you, you run from it all
your far to afraid to face it so you run,
oh boy do you run. You lost yourself in your
search to find...something else to hide behind...
and in the process you lost me"

She shook her head, "Your a liar! I know you are,
I'm better off without you!" she turned her face
to her hands and wept bitterly, only no tears
came from her eyes.
"Then why do you wish me back when you push me away!
You are not heartless, because I am still here.
As much as you want to me to leave sometimes
I cannot because you want me more then anything
else in the world, I belong to you I will not
leave but I will be silent for you....for now"
the voice's tones faded into the dark.

She sank to the ground and listened,
"don't go...." she whispered.
"I'm still here," the voice said sidling
up beside her. She shook her head
a single tear slid down her face.
"I'm not crazy, she whispered, I might talk to
myself but I'm not crazy"

"I know, the voice said sadly, your just alone"

She bowed her head and sighed, the voice
went into silence once more and the shadows
grew longer.



"When the room clears, I'm still here.
Who am I, when I'm alone?"

Rest...

Hey, where have you been?
Where did you go looking for innocence?
Shame is holding you down, selling you out
Won't you come back again?



'Cause you've found a way
To go on for days pretending to live
But you are not okay with all of that weight
You need to give up


Come now, just let it go
Let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul '
til there's nothing left
Won't you come to me and rest?


Hey, I know that you're scared to look in my eyes
When you know that something's wrong
I'll wait as long as it takes
For you to find grace, it's been here all along



'Cause you've found a way
To go on for days pretending to live
But you are not okay with all of that weight
You need to give up


Come now, just let it go
Let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul '
til there's nothing left
Won't you come to me?


As you are, dirty and broken
With all your scars from all the unspoken
With all the words that you wanted to say
But you locked them away inside



Come now, just let it go
Let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul
'til there's nothing left



Won't you come to me and rest?

NevertheLess-Rest

Betrayel

You were the one person I would have trusted
I almost did, I watched you from afar just
to be sure, that I could trust you.

You almost had me, the things you did
the way you treated me made me believe
you truly cared. But I learned that the
people who promise to never hurt you
are always the ones who do.

You betrayed me, you accused me of
things I didn't commit. I am many
things but I am not the things you
accused me of simply because I do
not know how to be that person.

You used me for entertainment and
tore me apart when I tried to care
but you didn't even try to repair.
It made me angry once I discovered
your lies and deceits that you used
on me and I believed. I told you once
that I did not like to be deceived that
it made me feel stupid.

You swore you would never do it again, and yet
I come to find that you continued this torment
without my realization.

I once heard that if it doesn't break your heart
it isn't love.
I obviously never loved you friend because it doesn't
break my heart, it only angers me.
But if I would to have trusted anyone it would
have been you. But you ruined that, see if I ever
trust anyone ever again.

I don't hate you, but right now
I just don't like you.

Christa.

Death Of Me

I should have seen all the signs around me
But I was comfortable inside these walls
So go ahead and take another piece of me now
While we all bow down to you

You tear me down and then you pick me up
You take it all and still it's not enough
You try to tell me you can heal me
But I'm still bleeding and you will be the death of me

How can you know my affliction
If you're the sickness and not the cure
But too long I have faked this addiction
Another sacrifice will make us pure

You tear me down and then you pick me up
You take it all and still it's not enough
You try to tell me you can heal me
But I'm still bleeding and you will be the death of me



I won't forget, I cannot forget this
I won't forget, I'll never forget this

No, I can never prove this solution
You aren't the one that I thought you were
And so I learn to embrace this illusion
the line that seperates us starts to blur

You tear me down and then you pick me up
You take it all and still it's not enough
You try to tell me you can heal me
But I'm still bleeding and you will be the death of me
And you will be the death of me


I won't forget, I cannot forget this
And you will be the death of me


Death of Me-Red

I don't need a soul

I listen to the sirens as they sing me back to sleep
I pray that no one's seriously hurt
It feels like everything is dying
At the pivit point of me
I listen to the sirens tell me
Things could still be worse

because if you close yours eyes and listen close
You can hear the chapter close
And it's all rebound in better clothes
And you like the way this story goes

because the sun still burns the shadows out
And there's nothing to complain about now
because if this was our destiny and I'd treasure the fact
And I give you what's left of me if I held back

But, I don't need a soul
No, I don't need a soul to hold
Without you I'm still whole
You and life remain beautiful


Departing from the hospital
All news shows on your face too well
You're trying not to cough at all - it hurts
All options are exhausted
All your numbered days are numbered small
I miss you now, I loved you and I know
Things could still be worse

because if you close your eyes and listen close
You can hear the chapter close
And it's all rebound in better clothes
And you like the way this story goes

because the sun still burns the shadows out
And there's nothing to complain about now
because if this was our destiny and I'd treasure the fact
And I give you what's left of me if I held back


So no, I don't need a soul to hold
Without you I'm still whole



I Don't Need A Soul~Relient k

When I'm Alone

It's been years in the making
In my skin I am shaking from the cold
I am tired from the taking
And my heart it won't stop breaking and I know...
Moving forward can't be this hard

I'm still trying to find out
Who I am on my own
I had you right beside me
But now you're gone and I know
That when the room clears I'm still here
Who am I when I'm alone?

They say time is a healer
But it's more like a concealer for a scar
'Cause it never really leaves us
But it can always find us where we are
Who thought it could ever be so hard?

There's so much I should have said when time was wearing thin
You're not here but someday I know I'll see you again


I'm still trying to find out
Who I am on my own
I had you right beside me
But now you're gone and I know
That when the room clears I'm still here
Who am I when I'm alone?


That when the room clears I'm still here
Who am I when I'm alone?

When I'm Alone-NevertheLess

Recovery Begins

I talk, I talk too much
I never open up
To what You need to say
My words get in the way

I search for stillness
But worry kills it
I need to clear my head
I'm tired, I need to rest

It all comes down to this
The quiet in the end
I listen for Your voice
Recovery begins

The times I hear You most
Are when You bring me close
I'll follow as You guide
While darkness turns to light

Whisper to me, whisper to me


Recovery Begins-Fireflight

Remember Me

I looked in Your eyes and saw it for a moment
The passion in Your cry, the chains of life are broken
Put to death by Your people, You came to bring us life
Only hope for the hopeless, will You remember me?

I've been ashamed, I've been put down
Head in my hands, my life on the ground
Left Heaven to save liars and thieves
Sinners like me, Your blood sets us free
Who am I that You would remember me?

Spent all of my years stealing from the world
With everything I had and I was still so poor
You have everything to lose
But You're dying here with me
I believe, I believe, will You remember me?

I've been ashamed, I've been put down
Head in my hands, my life on the ground
Left Heaven to save liars and thieves
Sinners like me, Your blood sets us free
Who am I?

Take what I have left, my Savior
Take me with You from this cross
When I leave this life completely
Remember me



I've been ashamed and I've been put down
Head in my hands, my life on the ground
Left Heaven to save liars and thieves
Sinners like me, Your blood sets us free
Who am I that You would remember me?


Remember Me -Kutless

Desperate

Seek and you will find, they say
but I've been looking everyday,
for a way past this wall that's in front of my face.
I'm on hands and knees searching for my faith

I know there's so much at stake,
but I don't know if I can take one more
pat on the back saying I'll be okay
Can't you see my whole life is in disarray?

You've got me desperate.

I know You hear me,
Won't You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands

You've got me desperate
do You see me?
Desperate
do You hear me?
Desperate
will You help me?
You've got me desperate

I know You're my only hope
The only One who truly knows how it feels,
what it's like when it all starts to fall
You're the One I can trust, who hears when I call.

You've got me desperate

I know You hear me,
Would You give me a sign?
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands

You've got me desperate
do You see me?
Desperate
do You hear me?
Desperate
will You help me?
You've got me desperate



Some things I'll never figure out
Until I let hope erase my doubt

(You've got me desperate)

I know You hear me,
Won't You give me a sign
Reel me in before I've fallen in line.
You've put me on a path I don't understand,
I'm standing on a ledge waving my hands

Do you see me?
Do you hear me?
Will you help me?
You've got me desperate.

Desperate-Fireflight

Work

Just in case
I will leave my things packed
So I can run away
I cannot trust these voices

I don't have a line of prospects
That can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to
That can bring me sweet release

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing,that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean
When I say I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?


Empty spaces
Shadows hit by streetlights
With warning signs and weight
Of tired conversations

In the absence of a shoulder
In the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction
On the eve of bittersweet

Now all the demons look like prophets
And I'm living out,every word they speak.
Every word they speak


Do you know what I mean
When I say I don't wanna be alone?
What I mean when I say
I don't wanna be alone?


Alone, alone
I don't wanna be alone
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing
It's taking all this work


Work-Jars Of Clay

Trinity

You got a way of living your way say I want that
I try to live my life for the people who need a come back
There's too many problems to think that you can fix me
My name is called the world and I'm dying of unbelief see
I'm the kind of person who's strong and wants to react
So feel me when I fight for the cause of bringing hope back
Don't ask me where I'm going cause I could never prove that
But I do have something to say


I am reaching from the depths of my soul
Hear me pleading I'm a child I'm the poor I am needing
To draw on your virtue you better believe it
Trinity don't say goodbye
And you know that time after time we will survive
That's why I'm still alive



Love and action takes the widow with her loss
True commitment takes the orphans pain because
Bridges broken their souls pourin out oh why
Our days are numbered by and still we walk this line




The words can't break your bones
So I release them in a song
Unbelief get out my head
You can't win cause I'm not dead
Prison step aside cause it's time for us to rise
All my people under fire you can bet this time that I will survive


Trinity by Paper Tongues