Out Of Order

Sometimes I feel like an alien.
Like I'm from some other planet unwelcome
and scorned here.
Sometimes I feel like I've stepped out of
someone else's future, time or place.
I'm different, I'm unnatural.

Out of place lost in space I can't seem
to think why I can't find my way or place.
I know you said that I'd be alone for being
different, for being yours but I never thought
I'd be on my own among my own kind.

Even among my own I remain an outsider I'm treated
like a deserter. What did I do to deserve this?
I can thing of a whole list of things...I guess.
Maybe I do deserve it I'm not sure. I've tried to
make a place no one can say I did not try and yet
it remains the same I don't belong with you.

So now what? how do I solve this? Just pretend that
I don't notice? Just pretend I don't care, just pretend
that its not happening? I'll try but it'll kill me in the
end. I've always been different, people said that I was
born twenty years old and at my adulthood I am wise.

I can't say I agree with this only that I am treated as
if I'm some weird terrestrial being.
What am I? Am I a black sheep? An outcast? A snake?
I'm not opposed to being alone, I've been alone ever
since I can remember. Its what I'm used to, I'm used to
the fake friends that fraudulent efforts to act like they
care its normal.

I don't care if I'm alone it is what it is, I just know...
I shouldn't give up but I want to, I'm tired of the constant
cycle of it all.
The cycle of pretending that I don't know that they are going
to leave just like the rest, pretending that it doesn't hurt
pretending that I understand. I wish I did understand.

Everyone says I'm setting them up to fail...truth is
I'm just setting them up to be human. No one sticks
I don't know why they just don't it's not failing it's just
life.

Hanging on to life.
Holding on to hope.
Praying for it to be different.
Clinging to the only truth that its not over yet.


Lord give me strength.


Christa